Why single ladies love married men.
I was going through my email when I found a WhatsApp thread sent to me by my workmate that I had not opened. The document was titled “yeast” and I had not bothered to go through it since I hadn’t deemed it to be of much importance.
Well, the workload as usual at the end of the year always weighs down on all of us as people go up and down to look for money to fund the festivities and also fulfill the unending demand for small handouts from villagers who always think that people coming from the city have money. To cut the long story short the document was long forgotten in the hullabaloos of festivities till this January.
The document was a conversation between two ladies, Megan and her friend who were discussing about a sexually transmitted infection. Her friend whose WhatsApp username was only her number remained undisclosed throughout the conversation that was fifty pages long from 3rd April to 31st May. From what I gathered, Mama Megan and her friend are both students pursuing a post graduate in a formidable university around Nairobi (name withheld).
Mama Megan was asking her friend about the time she had an infection and if it had a brownish discharge and whether it was still yeast because Mama Megan’s infection had a brown discharge. Her friend responds saying it would still be yeast and she should buy something called a gyno kit.
She further tells her that she should tell Johnny (who apparently has a wife) to write a big fat cheque for the infection. She tells her to call him while crying and exaggerate the issue since it wasn’t the first time he had infected her.
Mama Megan continues to rant about Johnny saying at the time he first gave her the infection, she wasn’t sure whether it was him since she had been sleeping with several people. This insinuates she didn’t use protection with them as well. Her friend further advises that if she’s still going to sell the cookie raw she should give him the gyno kit too and tell him to apply candidly to ensure he doesn’t re-infect her.
The conversation resumes later when Mama Megan asks her friend if she’s in class and her friend tells her that she’s at the coast. Mama Megan asks if she’s with a guy called Chef who her friend goes out with but she says it’s the guy who was “Mpesaing” her and had made her birthday happen.
I later learnt that this M pesa guy was her other friends husband who had a crush on her and had lied to his wife that he had a business meeting at the coast in order to spend time with her and have ample time to ‘eat her cookie’.
Mama Megan asks her to send pictures but her friend replies that she hasn’t taken any and promises to send some the next day. Mama Megan is green with envy telling her that she has become so used to that life of being spoilt by men that it has become a norm that she no longer needs to take photos for remembrance.
Her friend replies that the nigga (M Pesa guy) is balling on her. He had already given her a Mac book pro and had promised to buy her an I phone.
Well, the conversation of the predatory females (fisilets) continued on and on (see attached pdf if interested Mama Megan and Friend Conversation) about how they were going out with various men, others married and how they had one life to live and were trying to make the best out of it.
I was left wondering what the hell was going on in the marriage institution being a member who was vying for initiation in a couple of years. I sought to find out what made women tick to a married man despite him having taken a vow for better, for worse, for rich or poor till death do us part.
For starters, a sizeable study in the USA showed that 90% of single women were interested in a man who they believed was taken, while a mere 59 % wanted him when told he was single. I also sought opinion from female and male friends about what they thought made women want married men and compiled them with my own thoughts. Here is the summary of my findings.
Wanting sex or No string attached kind of relationship: Married men were said to provide the best no strings attached kind of relationship. The man already had someone whom he loved at home and did not need love but only sex. For a woman who had trust issues with men this was the perfect escapade.
Sense of competition: Humans are competitive by nature and the fact that women are mostly driven by jealousy for each other makes it even more competitive for them to subdue a married man. The narcissistic ego is more developed in women than it is in men. A woman who has had another woman’s man develops a huge sense of self-esteem and ego boost knowing that she can have any man she wants in the world even the taken ones.
Animals do it (male poaching): If you are an avid watcher of Savage Kingdom a TV program that comes on National Geographic, you will know that females prefer a certain breed of males for their offspring. Human females are not so different. If their type of breeding male happens to be married then that isn’t something to stop them from getting them.
Responsible grown up’s: Women find married men responsible and committed unlike single men who are still playing video games and living in their mother’s house, married men are aggressive and out to do things in the world. Further to this, married men have already been vetted by another woman and hence seem viable and acceptable. Why would she put in the work and she can ride on someone else’s efforts.
Security: Married men are always financially stable and can provide for their families. They have people dependent on them and are therefore more likely to find employment and have more credits in society. Single women find this sense of security very attractive in a man and would pounce on any whenever an opportunity arises.
High divorce and infidelity rates: The most recent big scam was the one revealed by hackers on a website called Madison. The site has a platform for over 32 Million users who were married that they used for discreet dating. Their slogan is pretty interesting “Life is short, have an affair”. Further to this we all know that the marriage boat has hit an ice berg. It’s no longer as sacred as it was meant to be. Well, not with the rise of social media and establishment of pre nuptials and the likes. The fact that the married man can divorce his wife and end the marriage gives hope to the predatory woman.
Sense of Adventure/ Cushion for a boring marriage: We all know how sweet the temptation for the forbidden fruit must have been for Adam and Eve. The same goes for sex out of marriage. Women are very adventurous and sex with a married man screams adventure all the same. Further to this it was mentioned by a lady that a man who has his wife’s “cookie” almost everyday knows how to eat it than a single man who maybe gets to eat let’s say only once a month and don’t they say experience is the best teacher!
Proving that men will always cheat: Women who are unmarried like to prove to themselves that men will always cheat so why not put a married man to the test. If most men fail then her hypothesis turns out to be true and she doesn’t need to get married after all since her man would end up cheating anyway.
Manly/father figure: Women like a man who is manly i.e bearded, deep voice e.t.c and if their fantasy falls on a married men this would not stop her from getting his attention. It is also evident that women love men who are like their fathers since they echo the father figure they are used to since when they were young and if such a man with such quality happens to be married the woman will still seek him.
Polygamy: Some type of marriages allow a man to have more than one woman and women know this so they wouldn’t mind being the second wife provided they get what they want.
After an analysis of the above facts and opinions I was left wondering what happened to us as a society and where was the marriage institution heading and further if I was still a viable candidate!
Despite all this, I still believe that marriage is a sacred institution that should be respected by all participants. For those in marriages, please adhere to the vows that you confessed to with your own mouth and for those looking forward to join the institution, please be true to your spouse and yourself.